In family relationships, we often hear that forgiveness is the key to peace, but in reality, the role of forgiveness is far more complex. In the parent-child relationship, we should neither judge nor forgive, because both actions disrupt the natural order of love. Instead, the sentence “Yes, this is how it is” brings the deepest form of release without taking on burdens that do not belong to us.
Why We Should Not Judge or Forgive
When we say that forgiveness is not always the path to healing, it may sound contrary to everything we have been taught. But within the natural family order, the child must not rise above the parent. If the child says “I forgive you,” the child unconsciously takes the position of a judge, and this disrupts the order of love.
What It Means to Take On a Parent’s “Guilt”
Forgiving a parent places the child above the parent, as if the child is evaluating the parent’s actions and deciding what is good and what is not. This is a form of unconsciously taking on the parent’s burden.
How a Disrupted Order Affects Future Generations
When a child stands above the parent, the consequences can echo through generations. Feelings of guilt, fear, insecurity, destructive behavioral patterns, and even psychosomatic symptoms may emerge. To stop this burden from continuing, the answer is simple: do not judge and do not forgive.
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A moment showing the importance of maintaining the order in the parent-child relationship.
The Power of “Yes, this is how it is”
Acceptance does not mean justification. It means acknowledging that the parent gave what they could with what they had. This sentence restores order: the parent is the big one, the child is the small one.
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The child keeps: Strength, discipline, and life energy.
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The child releases: Wounds, violence, and disoriented emotional attachments.
“Yes, this is how it is” as the healthiest form of liberation does not try to change the past. Judgment belongs to a higher power; the burden stays where it belongs, and you are finally free to live your own life.
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