by Sasha Riess | 22.04.26. | Emotions
When a dog refuses obedience, most people assume something is wrong with the dog. But the truth is much deeper. I first encountered the idea of a culture of conflict through the work of my mentor, systemic therapist Vlado Ilić, who taught me that conflict is not a mistake but a natural process of growth.
Every conflict, even the one that appears between a human and a dog, is actually an invitation to look deeper into ourselves and face what we suppress.
Why Disobedience Is Not a Problem with the Dog
The culture of conflict teaches that conflict is not a flaw in a relationship but a natural occurrence that carries within it the possibility of growth and development. Every conflict is an invitation to look deeper, to see what we suppress, and to grow into more complete human beings through that encounter.
The clash between human and dog is often a reflection of our internal emotional conflict.
What Happens When a Dog Refuses Obedience
In practice, this becomes very clear. We often see conflict when a dog refuses obedience or does not do what we expect. Instead of stopping and asking why, we rush into training, forcing the dog to adapt to our demands. In doing so, we repeat the same patterns of force and upbringing that we once promised ourselves we would never repeat.
Dogs as Mirrors of the Human Shadow
This is not a conflict with the dog; it is a conflict with ourselves. It is a struggle with the part of us we do not want to acknowledge, the part whose longing for freedom becomes visible through a “disobedient” dog.
Dogs help us because they demand presence. They do not know masks. Their reaction is always authentic. When we learn to remain present in conflict with a dog, not resorting to punishment or force, but asking what the dog’s behavior is showing us, we touch the essence of harmony.
The Order of Love and Systemic Balance
Family constellations work with systemic laws, described by Bert Hellinger as the Order of Love. The three principles are:
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The right to belonging: The dog belongs in our life, but not as a projection.
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Respect for order: The human carries responsibility through grounded leadership.
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Balance of giving and receiving: The dog is not a toy; he must receive safety, clarity, and love.
Silence and presence allow conflict to become a gift rather than an obstacle.
Presence and Silence: How to Respond
If I had to choose one practice for when a dog refuses obedience, it is to learn how to listen in silence. Not to listen through a mask or the ears of our parents, but through our own being. This means pausing before reacting, taking a breath inward, entering silence, and only then responding.
In my years of working with dogs, I have grown the most in conflict. Every crack in a relationship can become a place where light enters. If we dare to see conflict as a gift, it becomes a teacher rather than an enemy.
At Integrative and Holistic Grooming Education, we view every challenge as a path toward pureloveandharmony. When a dog refuses obedience, they are leading you toward your own shadow. Embrace the lesson:Linktree Sasha Riess
by Sasha Riess | 20.04.26. | Behaviour
There are moments in the relationship between a human and a dog that seem almost insignificant, yet they contain the entire truth about who we are.
A Bond That Is Not Measured by Words
We stand and call the dog. He starts walking toward us, then stops halfway. He looks at us and waits. That moment of silence reveals far more than any command ever could. It is not a struggle of strength, but a struggle of presence. Who will give in first. Who will take the step. If we move toward him, we lose leadership. If we remain calm, we become a source of safety.
Leadership in a relationship with a dog does not mean dominance. It means becoming a point of support. The dog does not seek a master, but stability—someone who carries order within themselves.
The Dog as a Mirror: The Price of Carrying Someone Else’s Unrest
In such relationships, the dog becomes our emotional regulator. When our heart races with anxiety, he lies next to us. But every system that reverses roles carries a cost. When a dog takes on a role that belongs to a human, he slowly begins to carry a weight that exceeds him. His nervous system begins to respond to our emotions.
That is why it is no coincidence that many dogs develop conditions that reflect the state of their owners. Heart problems, allergies, and anxiety are often expressions of the dog paying the price for our lost sense of safety.
The dog takes over our inner unrest. Its body begins to live our unconscious.
Leadership in Silence: A Lesson in Trust and Stability
When the dog stops and looks at us, a mirror of our history opens in front of us. Do we know how to stay? Leadership is an act of silence. It begins when we no longer need to prove that we are leading. Love without boundaries is not love; it is confusion. When we learn to stand, not out of pride but out of trust, we restore order both to ourselves and to the dog.
Leadership is not an act of power, but an act of silence and stability. When you stand, the dog will come.
When the Dog Trusts, Order Returns
The next time your dog stops and looks at you from a distance, do not rush. Do not go toward him. Stay. Breathe. This is not a test of obedience; it is an invitation to check where you are. Because if you stand, he will come. Always. And when he comes, he does not come to submit, but to surrender. That is the moment when love stops being a need and becomes a relationship.
The dog becomes a dog again, and the human becomes human again. Energy flows in the right direction, calmly and without effort. True love never demands proof, only peace.
At Integrative and Holistic Grooming Education, we understand that the energy you project is the most powerful tool you have. When a dog stops and waits, they are asking for your stability. Find your inner peace and restore pureloveandharmony: Linktree Sasha Riess
by Sasha Riess | 19.04.26. | Behaviour
Many owners dream of having a dog who “listens perfectly”. Yet we rarely ask ourselves what the real price of such obedience is and what emotional experiences may be hidden behind it. Is a dog obedient because he understands the structure and feels safe, or because he is afraid of the consequences? This question is much deeper than it seems, because obedience built on fear can leave invisible but life-shaping marks within a dog.
The Price of an Obedient Dog When Obedience Comes from Fear
When a dog experiences your sudden influence—a slap, yelling, a rough grab—he does not understand what is happening. He registers it as a moment of primal fear. For a dog, even a “small slap” can be experienced as the closeness of death. A dog’s physiology does not understand our intention. His brain registers only one thing: suddenness, pain, threat, danger. If a dog senses that a blow “just a little stronger” could have endangered his life, that moment becomes deeply imprinted in his nervous system.
Why Trauma Can Look Like Obedience
A punished dog often appears “perfect”:
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He walks glued to your leg
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He reacts instantly to commands
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He never causes trouble
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He does not express his needs
But this is not obedience; it is learned helplessness. The dog is not choosing cooperation. The dog is simply trying to avoid new pain. And that is the greatest price of an obedient dog—he is not living a relaxed life but a life of constant anticipation of danger.
How Trauma Affects a Dog’s Body
Traumatic fear does not remain only in the mind. It enters the dog’s physiology:
A dog may look “obedient”, but his inner world is filled with tension.
True obedience only begins when a dog feels safety, not fear.
Obedience Born from Love and Safety
True obedience never comes from fear. It comes from a relationship in which the dog feels safety, stability, predictability, consistency, calmness, and respect. A dog who feels safe chooses to follow his person—not because he must, but because he wants to.
What Is the Real Price of Obedience
Obedience itself is not the problem. The problem is the path we take to get there. A dog can learn rules through punishment, fear, pain, and threat—or through rituals, consistency, a calm tone, clear boundaries, and peaceful energy. If a dog is obedient because he trusts you, not because he is surviving, then the price of obedience is not trauma but a relationship built on love and stability.
At Integrative and Holistic Grooming Education, we know that true beauty and behavior come from a state of internal peace. When the price of an obedient dog is fear, everyone loses. Choose trust and pureloveandharmony: Linktree Sasha Riess
by Sasha Riess | 30.03.26. | Behaviour
Punishing a dog is never the solution. It leaves lasting consequences not only for the dog but also for us. Instead of control and force, the real path leads through love, understanding, and trust. Our approach to discipline is perhaps the most profound reflection of the human dog relationship.
My View on Canine Behavior
Today I live with a dog who behaves beautifully. He follows me, listens, and walks at my side. At first glance, it looks perfect, but I always ask myself one question: At what cost?
When a dog’s behavior comes solely from our will and pressure, that behavior is no longer natural, but imposed. Such an approach leaves deep traces, and the consequences often show up later as various health problems. We are seeing more and more dogs suffering from epilepsy, tumors, and other serious diseases. While many search for the cause in poor nutrition or vaccinations, few stop to ask whether these physiological factors are the only explanation. Could the suppression of a dog’s soul within the human dog relationship be the silent trigger for physical decay?
A Harmonious Relationship Between Owner and Dog
Punishing a dog does not create obedience; it creates a „Janissary“—a being stripped of its own will. Love and understanding are the only materials that can build a real, lasting relationship.
Punishing a dog does not lead to obedience — love and understanding build a true relationship.
The Question I Ask Myself
When I am faced with a choice in how to respond to my dog, I always remember one thing: Every time I punish him, I am actually punishing myself.
Our choices in how we treat our dogs mirror our inner world. If I choose the path of strict control and force, it means I carry inner insecurities that I project onto him. The human dog relationship acts as a mirror, showing us the parts of ourselves we are afraid to face.
Why This Is Not Easy to Accept
It may sound simple: Do not punish your dog, love him, and let him be who he is.
But if it were easy, people would effortlessly give up bad habits, stop eating food that harms them, or leave toxic environments. Life would be much simpler. In reality, it takes courage and deep honesty to admit that the way we treat our dog is a reflection of how we treat ourselves. True healing begins when we stop seeking control and start seeking connection.
At Integrative and Holistic Grooming Education, we believe that precision in nutrition is a reflection of our care. When we measure with love, we feed the soul. Explore our philosophy: Linktree Sasha Riess
by Sasha Riess | 25.03.26. | Emotions
When we banned chains, we thought we had done something great, something civilized and humane. We freed dogs from chains, but not from ourselves.
Sophisticated slavery in the name of love
We passed laws, declared victory over cruelty, and celebrated ourselves as protectors of life. But the truth is far deeper and much darker. Because while we were breaking iron, we forgot that chains are not made only of metal.
Today, dogs are no longer tied to trees. They are tied to us. To our fears, insecurities, ambitions, emptiness, and projections. Their new collars are not made of steel, but of energy. Silent and invisible, yet incomparably stronger. And while in the name of love and freedom we removed visible chains, in the name of those same words we created new ones, subtle, unbreakable, and far more cruel.
Today we no longer use chains. We design them. We make them from fine leather, order handmade buckles, decorate them with crystals, gold plating, initials, and logos. We call them leashes, as if a new word has the power to erase the old truth. We sell them in luxury boxes, photograph them on marble floors, advertise them as status symbols and proof of a special bond between human and dog.
And while we praise how far we have progressed in our relationship with animals, no one dares to say what is obvious. This is not freedom. This is sophisticated slavery. A new level of hypocrisy in which humans have surpassed themselves. Never before have we managed to turn restraints into fashion accessories and call that act love.
The Energetic Chain: When a Dog Becomes Our Emotional Prosthesis
We call them “our dogs.” We tie them to beds, couches, terraces, yards, to every moment of our sadness, boredom, and insecurity. They are no longer guardians, hunters, or companions. They have become emotional buffers, carriers of our inner emptiness.
Every time we are afraid, they feel it. Every time we argue, they carry it. Every time we want love we cannot give ourselves, we take it from them.
And so, while they smile in our photographs and wear scarves at Christmas, dogs die more slowly than ever before. Because their collapse is not physical. It is energetic. A collapse of connection with their true place in the order of life. In the natural order of the world, the dog is a bridge between humans and wilderness. He stands between instinct and consciousness, between darkness and light, between life that fights and life that loves. But we have turned that bridge into a wall. Instead of respecting it, we possess it. Instead of listening, we use it.
When the Dog Becomes a Mirror: Invisible Chains of Human Imbalance
In the order of harmony, every being has its place. When someone leaves their place, the system reacts, distorts, seeks balance. The dog has always been a guardian of balance between humans and nature. Today, as we are cut off from the earth, dogs become our sensors, transmitters of our imbalance.
The modern dog is no longer free even within his own nature. He is not allowed to bark because it bothers neighbors. He is not allowed to run because he gets dirty. He is not allowed to sniff because it is “unhygienic.” His drive to hunt, to move freely, to touch water and mud, everything that makes him a dog, we label as a “behavioral problem.”
We have created dogs that are obedient, sterilized, trained, emotionally saturated, yet spiritually dead and physically zombie-like. This is the price of our comfort. And while we believe we have freed them, they have become prisoners of our “humane” concepts. The chain of normality is the strongest of all. Because there is no scream, no audible pain, no blood. Only silent sadness in the eyes of a dog who knows he has lost the right to be what he is.
„He has everything, except himself.“ Our homes have become camps of love.
Invisible Chains of Love Without Boundaries
Every love without boundaries becomes violence. We do not see it because we believe we love. But love without awareness of place, without respect for distance, without honoring another nature, is not love but obsession.
A dog does not ask to be loved like a child, but to be respected as a being. When a dog lies next to us, he does not ask to become human. He asks to remind us that we are animals too. That we breathe, feel, and move through the field of life just like he does. But we rejected that lesson, and now dogs look at us with the same gaze wolves once did, a gaze of understanding and sorrow.
Our homes have become camps of love. Everything looks gentle, clean, and orderly, yet in that sterility something is dying. Every dog who has lost contact with his body, with the earth, with a sense of meaning, becomes a victim of our system of “care.” We call this a humane society, but that society does not know true freedom. Because true freedom is not the absence of a chain, but the presence of awareness. And we have not become aware of our place in relationship with dogs. We have only changed the material.
The Camp of Kindness: Are Our Homes Prisons for Dogs
In the order of harmony, the dog has a deep purpose. He does not exist to serve, but to testify to how far we have strayed from ourselves. When a dog loses peace, it is a sign that we have lost touch with the source. When a dog becomes ill, it is a message that the system between human and nature is broken.
The dog does not carry our mistakes as punishment, but out of loyalty. He will carry our imbalances until we admit that they are ours. And when we do, when we bow to his pain as a mirror of our own unconsciousness, that invisible chain breaks.
False Freedom, Real Suffering
In the desire to give them freedom, we stripped dogs of meaning. In the desire to protect them, we took away their task. In the desire to love them, we took away their dignity.
The law that banned chains is not wrong. It is incomplete. Laws do not change awareness, only behavior. And behavior without awareness becomes a new form of unfreedom. Real change is not when a dog is no longer tied, but when a human stops tying him into their own processes and problems. When we stop seeking confirmation of our value in his gaze. When we stop using his loyalty as medicine for our insecurity.
True freedom is not the absence of a chain, but the presence of awareness.
The Dog as a Prophet
Perhaps one day, if we are quiet enough, we will hear what the dog is trying to tell us. That we do not need to be pitied, but awakened. That the real chain is not between dog and tree, but between human and hypocrisy.
And perhaps then we will understand that the dog does not come into our life to be “ours,” but to teach us how to be part of the world he also belongs to. Not owners of life, but participants in it. Imagine a dog sitting in a yard without a fence. The wind carries the scent of earth, leaves rustle, and he simply breathes. In his eyes there is no fear, no dependency, no expectation. Only peace. That is the image of freedom.
Now imagine another dog, clean, groomed, loved, in an air-conditioned apartment, always in company, but never in silence. His body looks relaxed, but his soul and every muscle are tense. He looks through the window and does not understand where he went wrong.
We say, “He has everything.” But if he could speak, he would say, “I have everything, except myself.”
We freed dogs from chains, but not from ourselves. And as long as we refuse to see what we do not want to admit, that our dogs have become extensions of our inner prisons, freedom will remain only a word. Only when we stop binding them invisibly and finally return to them the place that belongs to them in the order of life will the dog once again be what he has always been: the guardian of the sacred bridge between us and nature. The same nature we admire from afar, while with every action we push it toward the abyss.
And only then might we realize that as long as we keep dogs imprisoned in our fears and illusions, we ourselves remain the greatest prisoners, walking tirelessly toward our own end, convinced we are civilized, while in truth we accelerate our own destruction.
At Integrative and Holistic Grooming Education, we believe that true connection requires the courage to let go of control. Respecting a dog’s nature is the ultimate expression of love. Explore our philosophy: Linktree Sasha Riess
