by Sasha Riess | 12.06.26. | Emotions
Unlived wounds that we keep silent about become quiet alarms in our homes, and this is why dogs are the first to recognize them. What we often mistake for calmness is, in reality, trauma that is afraid of itself. If we do nothing, we will leave our children to face the consequences of our silence and our pretense that everything was fine.
The Illusion of Stability and the Denial of Pain
In my previous column, I wrote about how, in our attempt to protect ourselves from overwhelming pain, we left dogs to be the first to show the consequences of our silence. A comment recently appeared: “There was no panic or chaos. The dog had its routine.”
This sentence is a perfect example of how unlived wounds are created through denial. When collective trauma strikes so deeply, the easiest way to survive is to say that nothing happened. But this denial is not proof of stability; it is a symptom of a wound. No one wants to admit the world stopped, because that would mean admitting what that stoppage did to our internal systems.
A Dangerous Inheritance for Children and Dogs
Adults find ways to survive even when life collapses, but children and dogs do not have the mechanisms to store trauma in internal drawers. They will live out what we do not dare to acknowledge.
The sentence “The dog had a routine” is actually a sentence of fear. It speaks about a person who needed that routine as an anchor to endure an unbearable period. If we continue to close our eyes to who we became during the pandemic, we only close another circle of silence. Silence creates generations that carry the weight of their parents without knowing why.
Emotional Imprints: When Dogs Speak for Us
Dogs are already showing us the results of these unlived wounds. We see it in:
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Severe separation anxiety
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Increased reactivity
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Panic when humans return to work
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Inability to be separated for even five minutes
These are not „problem dogs.“ These are emotional imprints of human pain that was never fully processed. They speak through their behavior because we chose to remain silent.
The sentence “The dog had a routine” is often not proof of stability, but the deepest scream of fear hidden behind an appearance of normalcy.
Acknowledgment as the Path to Healing
We must not leave our children and dogs an inheritance of silence. The price of silence always comes; it just needs time. It is time to stop defending ourselves with „there was no panic.“
Acknowledging that it was hard and painful is not weakness. Acknowledgment is the only way to ensure that we do not pass our unlived wounds to our children and our dogs as an invisible inheritance. Truth, not silence, is what leads to stability.
At Sasha Riess, we understand that a dog’s peace is tied to the human’s honesty. Facing our unlived wounds is the only way to protect our pets and children, leading us all toward pureloveandharmony. Discover more about our holistic approach: Linktree Sasha Riess
The Dog Groomer’s Dilemma: Journey Trough Burnout, Belonging and Becoming
by Sasha Riess | 10.06.26. | Behaviour
Trauma in dogs is often overlooked in modern training because we rely too heavily on treats. When a dog receives a reward for something it did “right,” we rarely notice the other side of that process: the moment when the reward is absent.
Although the reward system is considered “positive,” for a dog’s physiology it can be deeply counterproductive.
Trauma Hidden in Expectation
Many people ask: what kind of trauma can occur when I reward my dog for being good? The problem is not in the moment of the reward itself. The problem arises in the moment when the dog is not “good” and the reward is missing.
For the dog, there is no theory or training method in that moment. There is only the experience of absence. Learning through pure conditioning directly affects the dog’s physiology, but not in the way we think. Positive stimulation through food is only one side of the coin. The other side is the negative effect that appears in the dog’s body when it does something and the expected reward does not come.
Relationship Above Method: Preventing Trauma in Dogs
The question is not only how we teach a dog, but what kind of relationship we build while conditioning it. Are we building a partnership based on understanding, or a dependency that disturbs inner balance?
Build a relationship that doesn’t depend on a piece of food in your pocket.
True communication with a dog does not come through a piece of food in your hand. It comes through alignment that leaves no space for physiological stress that later develops into chronic conditions. Remember, every time you rely on conditioning, you risk creating trauma in dogs that is difficult to resolve later.
At Sasha Riess, we believe true communication bypasses the stress of bribery. Moving beyond food conditioning prevents underlying trauma in dogs, paving the way for authentic pureloveandharmony. Build a real partnership: Linktree Sasha Riess
by Sasha Riess | 01.06.26. | Behaviour
Unlike humans, dogs do not have the ability to live in the future. They do not make plans, set goals, or fear what tomorrow may bring. A dog lives in the moment, fully present here and now, exactly as they are. This is a lesson in presence we must learn.
A Dog Does Not Imagine the World, It Feels It
While we analyze the past or worry about the future, the dog is there, in its body. It does not search for answers and is not confused, even though it asks no questions. Because a dog lives in the moment, it is content; in that instance, nothing is missing. This calm presence is what makes dogs the most stable members of our environment.
The Power of the Present Over the Past
Many owners worry about their dog’s past, especially with adopted pets. However, canine psychology tells us that what is new can always overcome what once was. Because a dog lives in the moment, they have an incredible physiological capacity to adapt. In every moment, they seek:
Your strength in the present moment directly shapes how your dog feels.
Why Your Stability Is Essential for Your Dog
A dog senses destiny through you. Since a dog lives in the moment, it expects calmness and serenity from its leader. If you are distracted, the dog suffers because it cannot find the peace it expects. To be a leader means staying „here and now,“ allowing your dog to feel safe even when life is challenging.
At Sasha Riess, we recognize that a dog lives in the moment to teach us about our own presence. Our goal is to provide the stability they need to maintain pureloveandharmony. Focus on the now:Linktree Sasha Riess
by Sasha Riess | 21.05.26. | Behaviour
The human-dog relationship is often a mirror of our personal attitudes, fears, and cultural patterns. Differences in opinions, tastes, and values are not a problem in themselves; they become dangerous only when dogs suffer because of them.
Why People Disagree Even About Dogs
Differences in what we like are not random. When we choose a dog, we often do not choose a living being—we choose an image.
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One person dislikes black dogs.
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Another focuses on the fur.
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A third sees only beauty.
There is no right or wrong here, only difference. People look at life through different filters, and different opinions are not an attack. The problem begins when these differences justify poor treatment.
A Paradigm That Brings Results
There is a way of thinking and working with dogs that, when applied consistently, brings real results to the human-dog relationship:
If a method produces these results, why should it be dismissed just because it challenges the dominant belief that a dog is „problematic“?
The dog is the animal that suffers most because of humans.
Who Truly Suffers in the Human-Dog Relationship?
There is no animal beside which humans suffer more than a dog, but there is also no animal that suffers more because of humans. The dog is the only animal completely bound to human decisions, fears, and projections.
Because of this, the responsibility always lies with us.
Changing Our Perspective
Differences in opinion are not the issue. The issue is when a dog pays the price for our aesthetic criteria or our fears. If we change how we perceive them, we change their fate.
At Sasha Riess, we believe that the human-dog relationship should be based on understanding the dog’s true nature, not our own projections. Only then can we achieve pureloveandharmony. Learn how to look past the „image“ and see the soul: Linktree Sasha Riess
The Dog Groomer’s Letter of the Month Club with Sasha Riess
by Sasha Riess | 22.04.26. | Emotions
When a dog refuses obedience, most people assume something is wrong with the dog. But the truth is much deeper. I first encountered the idea of a culture of conflict through the work of my mentor, systemic therapist Vlado Ilić, who taught me that conflict is not a mistake but a natural process of growth.
Every conflict, even the one that appears between a human and a dog, is actually an invitation to look deeper into ourselves and face what we suppress.
Why Disobedience Is Not a Problem with the Dog
The culture of conflict teaches that conflict is not a flaw in a relationship but a natural occurrence that carries within it the possibility of growth and development. Every conflict is an invitation to look deeper, to see what we suppress, and to grow into more complete human beings through that encounter.
The clash between human and dog is often a reflection of our internal emotional conflict.
What Happens When a Dog Refuses Obedience
In practice, this becomes very clear. We often see conflict when a dog refuses obedience or does not do what we expect. Instead of stopping and asking why, we rush into training, forcing the dog to adapt to our demands. In doing so, we repeat the same patterns of force and upbringing that we once promised ourselves we would never repeat.
Dogs as Mirrors of the Human Shadow
This is not a conflict with the dog; it is a conflict with ourselves. It is a struggle with the part of us we do not want to acknowledge, the part whose longing for freedom becomes visible through a “disobedient” dog.
Dogs help us because they demand presence. They do not know masks. Their reaction is always authentic. When we learn to remain present in conflict with a dog, not resorting to punishment or force, but asking what the dog’s behavior is showing us, we touch the essence of harmony.
The Order of Love and Systemic Balance
Family constellations work with systemic laws, described by Bert Hellinger as the Order of Love. The three principles are:
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The right to belonging: The dog belongs in our life, but not as a projection.
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Respect for order: The human carries responsibility through grounded leadership.
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Balance of giving and receiving: The dog is not a toy; he must receive safety, clarity, and love.
Silence and presence allow conflict to become a gift rather than an obstacle.
Presence and Silence: How to Respond
If I had to choose one practice for when a dog refuses obedience, it is to learn how to listen in silence. Not to listen through a mask or the ears of our parents, but through our own being. This means pausing before reacting, taking a breath inward, entering silence, and only then responding.
In my years of working with dogs, I have grown the most in conflict. Every crack in a relationship can become a place where light enters. If we dare to see conflict as a gift, it becomes a teacher rather than an enemy.
At Integrative and Holistic Grooming Education, we view every challenge as a path toward pureloveandharmony. When a dog refuses obedience, they are leading you toward your own shadow. Embrace the lesson:Linktree Sasha Riess
