by Sasha Riess | 22.04.26. | Emotions
When a dog refuses obedience, most people assume something is wrong with the dog. But the truth is much deeper. I first encountered the idea of a culture of conflict through the work of my mentor, systemic therapist Vlado Ilić, who taught me that conflict is not a mistake but a natural process of growth.
Every conflict, even the one that appears between a human and a dog, is actually an invitation to look deeper into ourselves and face what we suppress.
Why Disobedience Is Not a Problem with the Dog
The culture of conflict teaches that conflict is not a flaw in a relationship but a natural occurrence that carries within it the possibility of growth and development. Every conflict is an invitation to look deeper, to see what we suppress, and to grow into more complete human beings through that encounter.
The clash between human and dog is often a reflection of our internal emotional conflict.
What Happens When a Dog Refuses Obedience
In practice, this becomes very clear. We often see conflict when a dog refuses obedience or does not do what we expect. Instead of stopping and asking why, we rush into training, forcing the dog to adapt to our demands. In doing so, we repeat the same patterns of force and upbringing that we once promised ourselves we would never repeat.
Dogs as Mirrors of the Human Shadow
This is not a conflict with the dog; it is a conflict with ourselves. It is a struggle with the part of us we do not want to acknowledge, the part whose longing for freedom becomes visible through a “disobedient” dog.
Dogs help us because they demand presence. They do not know masks. Their reaction is always authentic. When we learn to remain present in conflict with a dog, not resorting to punishment or force, but asking what the dog’s behavior is showing us, we touch the essence of harmony.
The Order of Love and Systemic Balance
Family constellations work with systemic laws, described by Bert Hellinger as the Order of Love. The three principles are:
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The right to belonging: The dog belongs in our life, but not as a projection.
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Respect for order: The human carries responsibility through grounded leadership.
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Balance of giving and receiving: The dog is not a toy; he must receive safety, clarity, and love.
Silence and presence allow conflict to become a gift rather than an obstacle.
Presence and Silence: How to Respond
If I had to choose one practice for when a dog refuses obedience, it is to learn how to listen in silence. Not to listen through a mask or the ears of our parents, but through our own being. This means pausing before reacting, taking a breath inward, entering silence, and only then responding.
In my years of working with dogs, I have grown the most in conflict. Every crack in a relationship can become a place where light enters. If we dare to see conflict as a gift, it becomes a teacher rather than an enemy.
At Integrative and Holistic Grooming Education, we view every challenge as a path toward pureloveandharmony. When a dog refuses obedience, they are leading you toward your own shadow. Embrace the lesson:Linktree Sasha Riess
by Sasha Riess | 22.04.26. | Emotions
In everyday life with dogs, play is often taken for granted as something always good, something that releases energy, brings joy, and strengthens the bond. But why is play not just play?
The Primal Nature of Play: The Endless Hunt
To understand the power of play, we must go back to its origin. The dog is a descendant of the wolf, a hunter whose survival depended on reenacting hunting behavior. For a dog, the motion of a thrown ball carries the same signal as prey.
In nature, this ritual always has a clear end. When the prey escapes or is caught, the cycle ends. In domestic life, when the prey keeps returning, the cycle never closes. The ball comes back again and again, and the instinct remains open. It is like a wound that never heals.
When constant stimulation floods the dog’s nervous system — instead of play, unrest arises.
Cortisol and the Cycle of Excitement
Modern science shows that excessive stimulation leads to chronic cortisol release—the stress hormone. A dog that chases balls every day falls into a loop:
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The more we activate the hunting instinct, the stronger the excitement.
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The harder it is to calm down, the more the dog seeks new stimulation.
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This is not simple joy; it is a form of addiction similar to the human need for adrenaline.
Play as a Ritual, Not a Habit
In the Harmony Handbook, we teach that rituals create rhythm between tension and release. For play to serve as a true ritual, it must be controlled. A simple rule: any game that activates the hunting instinct (balls, frisbee, tugging) should be rare and structured—perhaps once a week, not daily.
Calm Play: The Power of Touch and Presence
If we reduce play solely to chasing, we miss its deeper meaning. Calm play—such as gentle touch, chest scratching, or soft brushing—is often what the dog values most. During these moments, cortisol decreases and oxytocin, the hormone of connection and safety, increases.
Consequences of Misguided Play
Many owners do not connect behavioral problems with the way they play. Pulling on the leash, barking, or even urinating in the house are often symptoms of an overwhelmed nervous system. When the body is stuck in „fight or flight,“ the dog cannot regulate basic needs.
Calm rituals and touch — the most powerful way to reduce stress and strengthen the bond with your dog.
Practical Advice for Conscious Play
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Structured hunting play once weekly: Keep it short (3-5 minutes).
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Remove constant reminders of prey: Do not leave balls within the dog’s permanent reach.
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Daily calm rituals: Prioritize touch, grooming, and quiet rest.
True harmony does not come from constant pursuit of excitement. It comes from balance, awareness, and the tenderness through which relationships are built.
At Integrative and Holistic Grooming Education, we teach that peace is the ultimate goal. If your dog is trapped in a cycle of high arousal, it’s time to return to the basics of presence. Explore the pureloveandharmony approach:Linktree Sasha Riess
by Sasha Riess | 21.04.26. | Emotions
A sold life begins the moment we hand our choices over to other people’s expectations, fear, or money. How many times have you told yourself: “I have to stay in a relationship I do not love, because of money” or “I have to work a job I hate”? These are all examples of how justifications lead to a sold life. What you truly have to do is face your own justifications. Because justifications are the currency we most often use to pay for a sold life.
How Justifications Lead to a Sold Life
Excuses are sophisticated. They sound reasonable, realistic, even noble. “I have to because of money,” “I have to because of the children,” “I have to endure it, that is how I was taught,” or “Better something than nothing.” But every one of these excuses has a price: your freedom. And so, little by little, life becomes a chalkboard that others write on instead of you.
Selling Ourselves for the Illusion of Security
Social media, movies, and other people’s lives all sell the same illusion—that happiness will come through money, stability, career, and a so-called proper life. But the truth is brutal and simple: that happiness never comes the way it was promised. You can have money, you can have status, you can have a perfect profile, but if the price was a sold life, everything remains hollow.
Pull the Handbrake and Stop Selling Your Life
What you do from the soul, from meaning, from integrity, that is what truly nourishes you. That is the only thing that brings peace. The strongest criticism, mockery, and resistance always appear when I am on the right path. Not because I am wrong, but because others feel their own stagnation. When I am criticized on both Serbian and English platforms, I know I am touching truth. And truth rarely leaves anyone indifferent.
Every justification has a price—we most often pay it with our own destiny.
Why Do You Keep Braking When It Is Time to Accelerate
Most people pull the handbrake when fear appears—fear of change, fear of judgment, fear of failure, fear of other people’s opinions. But the truth is that you are most alive when you release the brake. When you stop trading yourself for expectations that were never truly yours.
Your Justification or Your Freedom
We all have justifications, but we do not have to live by them. We can recognize them, dismantle them, and decide to stop selling our time, our emotions, and our destiny for a fragment of false security. Freedom never comes through money, applause, or social norms. Freedom comes the moment you stop selling yourself.
So the question remains: What is your justification?
At Integrative and Holistic Grooming Education, we believe that authenticity is the highest form of energy. Whether in life or in your relationship with your dog, truth is the only path to harmony. Stop braking and start living:Linktree Sasha Riess
by Sasha Riess | 21.04.26. | Coat Care
Many owners wonder when to groom a puppy for the first time and whether there is a “right moment” to get the puppy used to bathing, trimming, and blow drying. The truth is that most puppies accept grooming much faster and more easily if it starts early, even before six weeks of age. Early grooming is not just a hygiene routine; it is an important part of raising a stable and confident dog.
When to Groom a Puppy: The Optimal Time
The best time for a puppy’s first grooming can be even before six weeks of age, especially in breeds that grow hair quickly or have long, soft coats. Many breeders begin gentle care as soon as the puppy opens its eyes and starts nibbling solid food, sometimes as early as the third week. At that stage, puppies begin to separate from the mother, get dirty, and enter a phase where a first light hygiene routine becomes necessary.
How to Prepare a Puppy Before Grooming
When grooming starts early, the puppy quickly learns that touch, water, a blow dryer, and clippers are a normal part of life. Dogs that go through gentle grooming processes from a very young age later accept grooming, veterinary visits, nail filing, and handling much more easily. If grooming is postponed for too long, a puppy may develop resistance, fear, or nervousness.
Early bathing helps a puppy experience grooming as a normal part of life.
Tips for Regular Grooming and Habituation
Habituation should be gentle, short, and positive. The first grooming session should not last long; just a few minutes is enough. A simple routine includes:
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Briefly touching the paws and muzzle
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Lightly trimming hair around the eyes or paws
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Short blow drying without directing air at the head
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Bathing only with warm water and gentle movements
The Most Common Mistakes in Puppy Grooming
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Waiting until the puppy is four to six months old, which is too late.
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Making the first grooming session too long.
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Forcing the puppy if it becomes restless.
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Using a blow dryer that is too strong.
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Negative reactions from the owner that create tension.
Trimming the paws is the first step in teaching a puppy to accept touch and care.
How to Make Grooming a Stress-Free Routine
The most important thing is to stay calm. The puppy should feel that grooming is a normal part of life, not a special event. If you are wondering when to groom a puppy, the answer is as early as possible, but gently and gradually. Early habituation makes a huge difference and helps build a dog that accepts grooming calmly throughout its entire life.
At Integrative and Holistic Grooming Education, we believe that early care is the foundation of pureloveandharmony. By introducing grooming as a natural routine, you are giving your puppy the gift of stability. Learn more about our approach: Linktree Sasha Riess
by Sasha Riess | 20.04.26. | Behaviour
There are moments in the relationship between a human and a dog that seem almost insignificant, yet they contain the entire truth about who we are.
A Bond That Is Not Measured by Words
We stand and call the dog. He starts walking toward us, then stops halfway. He looks at us and waits. That moment of silence reveals far more than any command ever could. It is not a struggle of strength, but a struggle of presence. Who will give in first. Who will take the step. If we move toward him, we lose leadership. If we remain calm, we become a source of safety.
Leadership in a relationship with a dog does not mean dominance. It means becoming a point of support. The dog does not seek a master, but stability—someone who carries order within themselves.
The Dog as a Mirror: The Price of Carrying Someone Else’s Unrest
In such relationships, the dog becomes our emotional regulator. When our heart races with anxiety, he lies next to us. But every system that reverses roles carries a cost. When a dog takes on a role that belongs to a human, he slowly begins to carry a weight that exceeds him. His nervous system begins to respond to our emotions.
That is why it is no coincidence that many dogs develop conditions that reflect the state of their owners. Heart problems, allergies, and anxiety are often expressions of the dog paying the price for our lost sense of safety.
The dog takes over our inner unrest. Its body begins to live our unconscious.
Leadership in Silence: A Lesson in Trust and Stability
When the dog stops and looks at us, a mirror of our history opens in front of us. Do we know how to stay? Leadership is an act of silence. It begins when we no longer need to prove that we are leading. Love without boundaries is not love; it is confusion. When we learn to stand, not out of pride but out of trust, we restore order both to ourselves and to the dog.
Leadership is not an act of power, but an act of silence and stability. When you stand, the dog will come.
When the Dog Trusts, Order Returns
The next time your dog stops and looks at you from a distance, do not rush. Do not go toward him. Stay. Breathe. This is not a test of obedience; it is an invitation to check where you are. Because if you stand, he will come. Always. And when he comes, he does not come to submit, but to surrender. That is the moment when love stops being a need and becomes a relationship.
The dog becomes a dog again, and the human becomes human again. Energy flows in the right direction, calmly and without effort. True love never demands proof, only peace.
At Integrative and Holistic Grooming Education, we understand that the energy you project is the most powerful tool you have. When a dog stops and waits, they are asking for your stability. Find your inner peace and restore pureloveandharmony: Linktree Sasha Riess
